I wish my penis had an off switch
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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