I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
