There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
