nut hugger
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
