we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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