I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
