Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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