Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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