did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
