Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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