You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
