found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
