She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
