i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
