Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
