So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
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I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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