'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
