I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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