Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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