Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
