so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
