Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
