I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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