I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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