is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
