Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
