Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
