I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
