Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
