I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
