That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
