the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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