i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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