Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This house was built for laser tag.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
