he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
