i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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