Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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