i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
