ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
