I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
