the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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