I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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