drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sext me about skeletons
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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