I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
please come you make the beer taste better
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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