the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
