Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
