I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
