you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
