Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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