Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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