this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
