dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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