grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
