my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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