last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
