I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
