how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
