dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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