I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
