I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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