Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
