My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Welp...herpes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize