Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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