i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
