Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
