i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
