I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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