Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize